Leocadia K.

Thoughts

Parallel Parking + Christmas Magic

Holidays, Living Life Creatively, ThoughtsCait SherrickComment
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I tried out a new gym location in Norfolk tonight. It’s in the heart of the city so you have to pay to park in their garage or you can park on the street. I should say you can *parallel* park on the street. (I’m great at a lot of things, but backing a vehicle INTO a parking space is just not one of them.)

I attempted to parallel park on the narrow cobblestone streets. People were driving at me, people were driving behind me. It was so dark + there were so many headlights, so many bumps, so many things I don’t know about the new car I’m driving. I finally just decided that a 30 minute Tabata class at the local YMCA was not worth that much anxiety. So I let all the headlights clear out + I made my way around the corner instead.

I counted the street blocks, in hopes that I wasn’t too far away from the gym, because it’s cold tonight + I was only in a sweatshirt + a scarf (I’m always in a scarf when it’s cold). I took the first spot I found in which I could pull up + reverse straight back along the curb. (I can back vehicles up in a straight line just fine. That counts for something, right?) I get out of the car, notice that I’m parked in front of my favorite house in the Freemason District + rush off to class. (It was only a block away by the way. That also counts for something, right?)

It wasn’t until after class, as I made my way back to my car, that I noticed how my favorite house was decorated + OF COURSE it’s decorated perfectly. It’s my favorite house for a reason. Well, for lots of reasons.

Anyway, I’ve never been so thankful for my awful parallel parking skills before. This small dose of Christmas magic was worth the street block walk in the cold.

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Begin.

Living Life Creatively, Spiritual Practice, ThoughtsCait SherrickComment
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Begin.

I’ve began so many different times in so many different ways over the last few years, that I’ve lost track of the beginnings. Some were involuntary (most of them were, if I’m being totally honest) + some were voluntary, the follow-your-heart-even-if-it-doesn’t-make-sense kind of voluntary.

Involuntary, voluntary...it doesn’t really matter. Because every time I begin, it feels a little less uncomfortable, a little more free + a whole lot more right.

Right. That’s what we’re all hoping for really. We all want change, we all want our beginnings to feel right. To feel alright. To feel correct.

Whether we realize it or not, it’s always correct. It’s always alright. It’s always right. It’s just hard to feel it when we’re in the thick of it.

So I begin. Again + again + again + again + I will keep beginning every time, because it feels uncomfortably, comfortable. Because it feels free. Because it just feels right.

Love, Light + Warm Cups of Chai Tea,

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The Space Between

Living Life Creatively, Spiritual Practice, ThoughtsCait SherrickComment

Honor the space between no longer and not yet. // Nancy Levin

Sometimes being in that space is really hard.

So I go to the beach.

To remind myself of who I am, how far I've come, why I'm here. It all led to breathing in this moment, living in this part of the country again, spending my days at this beach.

And once I've come to understand (as much as I can understand anyway, I still don't really get it), I remind myself where I'm going. And that is as frustrating as it is exciting, because I know I'm ready for it, but it's not really happening yet, not how I'd like (need) it to be happening.  Even though I'm doing the work.  Even though I've been doing the work for some time.  Which makes no sense.

So here I am between no longer and not yet. Again. For a new reason. I've lost count how many times I've visited.

I'm here with a bigger heart, a stronger backbone + a calmer soul. And it still makes no sense.

So I stay at the beach just a little longer.

Until I understand just enough.

Until the space between no longer and not yet is so sun kissed that it feels like home again.

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